my birthday was on 14 june 2009. yesterday afternoon i met my father. he came here for viva session with his post-grad student. came in the morning and returning to kl after lunch. haha, what a short… but i was having good time with him.
“lisya, come here”. “you know what… the first thing your mom asked me to do is to give you a biiiiiig hug… and sending her birthday wish.. to you”, said dad while hugging me. i’m 30 years old now and my dad is 59 and we were cuddling for almost 10 minutes long. hikhik, what a scene. 😄
but deep inside, i know he loves + worrying me so much. when i was having bad incident last time… he came rescuing me with a smile. [a smile that he might practiced few minutes before.] and without saying any words, he gave me a hug.
long ago, i was thinking he’s a strong man – as he didn’t show much reaction when his son [my young bro] passed away.
but when i was in trouble – trying to survive with my life, i saw him in tears.. two times he was crying in silence. really i was kinda heartbroken to see him in that kind of situation.
what kind of person my father is? educated, sincere, hardworking, homely type, super-smart spending and saving, honest, deep-religious-faith, very big-hot-tempered, rambling like old granny, stingy, not a good-listener at all: black is black white is white.
but from time to time, his weakness bad sides are already started to tone down. thanks to my mother’s super big patience. i don’t think any woman could be with him except my mom. and seems like my father’s life will be much terrible if he couldn’t see her face or hear her voice randomly every 6 hours per day. clinging-needing-cranking.. i bet no matter what he loves her so much.
my parents are same age.. they’re school classmates. and few times living the-next-door [both my grandfathers were teacher who kept moving because of schools’ transferring]. my mom once said, she kept thinking hundred of times to make a decision after few times my father proposed her. but my late grandpa was saying, “choose him. he’s someone who’s knowledgeable. with the appreciation of the knowledge, at least your life will be more ‘barakah’..”.
somebody once told me that my father is the #2 respected mathematician in malaysia. he’s specialized in ‘everything about fuzzy’ as the first person who brought this knowledge into the country. and the no. #1 is his senpai (senior) who is the first malaysian got doctorate in mathematics – who is also our old-good-family’s friend aka neighborhood.
but actually i must say.. we’re living in a very simple ordinary life. emm, i think i could quote what Matsu Takako said in K-20 movie:
“i’m just a modest girl, who is coming from a good family.”
and put in mind, this Matsu’s modest role as a Hashiba Yoko who is the Duchess (princess) of the fictional capital of Japan (Teito).
from all the birthday wishes i received, mostly hoping my dreams and wishes would come true. well, yeah.. i think i have a long list – mixture of my private matters, my interests, my love life, my responsibilities. also to kimumatsu, tsurena, goromiho, nakanaka, takeno, b’z, nanakosorimachi, koshiro’s family, and smap.
up to now, deeply i feel grateful…. all my wishes slowly being answered, one by one, time to time. i’m not a fortune teller. i might being blessed or gifted – a person who is lucky enough to get showered with this ordinary miracles. the only way i could express what i feel, what i think, what i sense… is thru all my fan videos.
my mom once said to me, “it’s time for you to get your own happiness.”
i guess so. and i’ll be waiting for that.
long ago, i’m imagining myself – living in a glass world-glass room-glass box. i’m surrounded with glasses wall, staying alone. i could watch the world outside but never have courage to step out, scared that i’ll hurt myself. have you ever watched Tanaka Rena in “Waiting in the Dark” movie? i know how she felt.. me too, i might die if i was in her situation. what if i die? does it feel good to suicide? no. no. no and no. i still believe in God. every time i’m facing with the hardships, i keep whispering to myself that i am a strong woman. coz i know i’m strong to receive these kind of situations. we have so many choices in our life. only the smart one will pick the best solution instead of running-hiding-away. i know i’ve to face it. i need someone who could help me. send me energy. so i could break this wall. Matsu Takako’s words to Kimura Takuya in “Chuushingura 1/47” keep chanting in my brain… please, please treasure your life. whatever happened please keep on living! Living in the name of honor, with all the deep emotions and tears of pride. Ikiru [Living]. the same topic in Matsu no Hitorigoto and Kimura’s Kai-ho-ku photo journal books, their interviews and songs.
dakara.. for my personal wish:
i’m just hoping someone could bring back
my SMILE – my SOUL – my SANITY
to me. to me. to me.
happy father day, dad.. happy mother day, mom.. happy family day, bro & sis-in-law… happy summer day, little sis… happy life day, friends…
and happy lover day, nuralisya.